The Second Affair!
Many couples in Second Life have a spouse or significant other in Real Life. We all have our own version of what makes our ‘RL Marriage’ a happy one and for that matter even our ‘SL Partnerships’. One of the biggest questions since it all began June 23, 2003, is it cheating or not? Our RL husbands & wives would have their own opinion and I am sure the husband & wives of our lovers would not be overly delighted, but, do we feel we are cheating? If not, why? If so, why do we continue? Do we get upset if our SL lover cheats? Why be upset? Are we not doing the same thing to our RL spouses via the forum called Second Life? Do we have different sets of SL versus RL morals? Most people eventually log off from an SL bed, then crawl directly into bed with their RL lover. I wonder how many have self conflict with that.
I saw a DJ and his SL girlfriend or SL partner on the dance floor, she was there to support his set. His voice rings out over the mic,”Congratulations, it’s my wonderful RL wife’s birthday. Happy Birthday babe, I could not have got this far without you. I love you!” No doubt she gave him a thank you kiss in RL. Ironically, he then proceeds to play a romantic song, for his SL girlfriend. Now personally, I found that awkward as ‘Fu*k’! Am I the only one that feels this way, I doubt it. This topic has always been the elephant in the room, right!
Unless they are Polyamorous ( another blog completely )
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love“) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible.
Now, I wonder how happy his RL wife would be {on her birthday} knowing that after his set, he is going to have the best pixel sex, emote sex or skype sex with his SL girlfriend. More pressing, would he deny or admit this is an affair.
Is it still considered promiscuity if we never voice, nor see an RL photo and simply type sexual emotes & promises of love to each other? Or, is it promiscuity if you voice and/or cam. Some say it’s like comparing a convent to a brothel, the comparisons are too vastly different, or are they. The intention is still there , the words whether in type or voice are still the same words, right or wrong? Are you just as invested? Many people feel more invested in an SL relationship with Skype, the laughter in your ear, the dialect of the conversation. This is known as a ‘crossover’ bridging the two worlds and bringing it to another level completely. Once you ‘crossover’ anything less is mundane and void to most.
Is all the above behavior excused because it’s Second Life? I am sure if I took a poll, the verdict would be YES. Most people DON’T condone cheating, those living in glass houses should not throw stones. Yet, they cover up the mirror so they can’t see their own reflection looking back at them. Is this SL person that you may never meet face to face enough to put your RL marriage & family at risk? Are the rewards worth the consequences? Confessing your SL sins, is that a conversation you want to have at the dinner table? I doubt it. Make sure the kids are out of the house for that tsunami.
Is it the case of, ” What happens in SL stays in SL”. I am calling ” Switzerland “on this topic. I think there are too many, if’s and but’s to claim it’s a clear-cut conversation.
*I could go on and on about meeting in SL and turning it into RL, Polyamorous, RL couples coming in together, etc. That would turn this into a book, those other scenarios also deserve their own podium – at a later date 😉
~You have to admit, it’s a touchy subject in more ways than one.~
Body –Maitreya, Head –LOGO, Applier – ItGirls Alessa, Hair –Catwa Aura, Bra – erratic christina turquoise , Jewelry – Lazuri Perles de gloire, Cigarette – Anachron
belladonnawexhome said:
It’s an excellent blog post but you should change Polygamist to Polyamorous. Polygamy is when someone is married to more than one person at a time. Polyamory is the ability to have more than one intimate relationship at a time. There is a difference. Also in Polyamorous relationships, all parties are aware of what is going on.
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miafoxdale said:
I did and changed it back.. lol, thanks will adjust again 🙂
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anonymous said:
Out of all these SL “affairs,” how many people may be trapped in sexless marriages or those void of any intimacy in RL? In some of these cases an SL “affair” could be the only thing saving the RL marriage and this could be important, especially if there are children involved. I guess it all depends on your point of view. I do agree that once it spills over into Skpe, RL phone calls, etc it could be crossing the line.
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miafoxdale said:
Someone replied to the blog, stating that their RL husband is leaving her in RL and SL and she does not want that to happen. Yet, you are right in some ways it saves some marriages. Thank you for the comments, I appreciate them all, freedom of speech 🙂
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Christina Poza said:
I can not describe how close to home this hits for me , as in the recent days I am going through this with my rl husband. He wants to separate rl and sl but I do not.
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Kess Crystal said:
Mia this is an awesome post and I am so glad you have decided to start blogging if this post is anything to go by…btw the pic is fantastic aside from the writing which is also brilliant.
You raise some very interesting questions. Overall I think it’s down to the ‘couples’ involved. I am married irl and have had several SL relationships which have lasted from weeks to years. I am not going to go into the reasons in a public forum but there are reasons and they have been discussed ad infinitum with my RL. While he doesn’t ‘get’ SL (only people in SL ever do imo) he understands that it is an outlet for me and we have an agreement and a set of rules which I stick by. I skype call my partners and have even had the situation where i ask a question and both the men in my life answer and i’ve had to say ‘not you’ to one or other. My opinion is as long as there is complete honestly firstly irl and in SL too of what can or can’t be expected then it’s down to the individual couples. If anyone else thinks it’s cheating then that is their opinion and they are entitled to it but the only person that matters is your rl partner and secondly your SL partner…as long as you keep those two in perspective then you can’t go far wrong.
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miafoxdale said:
Thank you very much! I knew this would be a hot topic There are so many opinions and they are all welcomed.I have no fingers to point at anyone really, because I would also have to point one back at myself. This onion has so many layers and each layer is blog worthy. Your feedback is wonderful! 🙂
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